Sound

Sound is defined as "an alternation in pressure, particle displacement, or particle velocity propagated in an elastic material" or in a more technical language "the stuff you hear". Formed when ether stops wobbling for a short while. It travels by using the quantum bus effect, documented by Stephen Hawking in his book "Time for Bed Said Fred!" (1767). And that's all the science for you today.

Invented by Microsoft in conjunction with Brian Eno, "sound" is most widely known as that feature that you turn on and off on your computer, depending on how badly you want to be patronized. There are a number of different ways that a sound can be produced:

• Talking like Micro Saft Sam. A sear Eous condition.
• Being there when a tree falls in the woods
• Clapping with two or more hands
• Hitting someone
• Using an oscillator
• Kicking someone

Only slightly less noble than producing sound is the practice of changing sound. Again, there are many ways to do this:

• Gagging/muffling
• Forced helium inhalation
• Pounding on the back
• Using filters/flangers/distortion/holophonics/Q-Sound/R-Sound etc.
• A kick to the groin

Third down on the scale of righteousness is the utility of copying sound, also known as stealing.

• Echoing something back in a sarcastic tone
• Regurgitating a joke (and pretending you made it up)
• Hitting someone the same way twice to "reproduce" the sound
• Using a taperecorder/filesharing etc.
• Beating someone up and snatching their iPod

Finally, sound can be destroyed.

• Not being there when the tree falls in the woods
• Plugging your ears and yelling "LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU"
• Synchronizing your hip hop fix with your upstairs neighbor's favorite classical broadcast
• Burning your Beatle records at a designated location
• Beating someone up when you know ahead of time they're going to make a sound

Sound Waves

Sound travels in waves. It's very scientific, so you probably wouldn't understand. It goes very fast. You could never run that fast. Sound can be low frequency or high frequency. Only dogs can hear high frequencies. Low frequencies are cool. If you can make lots of low frequency sound in your car or your apartment, you will make lots of new friends. Especially if it has lots of amplitude.

Other Sounds

• fatties and boobies