Kanye West

"THJ and Istanbul hates you!"

~ Phil Osophy on the Instanbul gangwars

"Jesus eats Baka Pygmies. Or maybe that was Satan. I knew it was one of them. "

~ Jebus on Early Cuyler when asked about the Jebusites.

"Kanye West doesn't care about George Bush."

~ George Bush on Kanye West

"I don't quite care who doesn't care about him. All I know is I don't care what color his skin is."

~ Oscar Wilde on George W. Bush when asked about Kanye West

"I ain't saying she's Harriet Tubman"

~ Kanye West on How George W. Bush doesn't care about him

"George W. Bush doesn't care about Kanye West"

~ Kanye West on George W. Bush

"He doesn't care about black people"

~ Kanye West on Everyone

"Kanye West doesn't care about White People, but he ain't got nothin' to do with the fact that I don't care about no black people."

~ George W. Bush on Kayne West

"Kanye West doesn't care about Kanye West."

~ Kanye West on Kanye West

"In Soviet Russia, Black People don't care about YOU!!"

~ Russian Reversal on Kanye West

"Guns don't care about black people, Duke Nukem does care about black people."

~ Duke Nukem on Black people

Image:Aljolson.jpg

Kayne West (pronounced kan-YE WE-st) (born February 6, 1990 - September 2, 2005)

Contents

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Biography

Outspoken son of Emmanual Lewis, this freelance semi-professional IT documentation specialist, not to be confused with the llama Kanye East, is the most controversial figure in the world. Ever since winning the XFL's million dollar game, he retired from all quasi professional sports to enter politics. West is often criticized for his conservative policies, going so far as to say, on HAM radio, that Orville Redenbocker doesn't care about caramel corn. In spite of West's loyal support, Pop Secret doesn't care about Kanye West.

Kanye West is a modest fellow. He even cleans his house and goes shopping. Kanye says himself: "Of course I'm modest. I'm probably the most modest person on the planet. Ain't no one anywhere near as modest as me, there's just no one touching me, Kanye West, in the modesty department. I'm pretty much the king of modesty. I get the best rappers in the game calling me up asking for lessons on modesty. That's how amazingly, unbelievably modest Kanye West is, motherfucker. Recognize that."

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Chris Rock, George Bush, and Midgets

In a parody of Kayne Wests comments, Chris Rock said, on TV, "George W. Bush doesn't care about midgets", but by then it wasnt funny, like that Rick James 'bitch' shit after all the white people played it out. Anyway, George W. Bush countered Rock's claims by going on TV and saying his best friend is a black homosexual rapping midget. It turns out his best friend is Kanye West. Kanye and George later went on a business trip to Hawaii and played blackjack smackback. If we can be certain of anything, its that George W. Bush doesn't care about blackjack. After losing he told Kanye he didn't want to play anymore and he wanted to go home. Kayne was alledgedly raped by Chris Rock afterwards.

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Gay Is Okay!

Kayne West's biggest supporters are Fred Phelps' and his 'Gay Is Okay' church group. They frequently travel and publicly speak about gay rights and how gays are right and the rights that the right gays should have that are right for the rights of gays. But George W. Bush is a closet BARBRA STREISAND, so it is not George, it is Barbra.

George W. Bush doesnt care about black people, only about Barbra Streisand.

Also, he loves rocky road.

Kanye West loves everyone.

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Early Career

In 1987, Kanye West released his debut album mayonaise colored benz i push miracle whips. sizzurrrrp... bizerrrrrrrk. It went straight to #'J' on the U.S. billboard hot 100 and held the position for 9.2 weeks until September 2005 when Mr West made his comments regarding George Bush's care for Democratic focus group, 'paraplegic seagulls for the blind', which was followed by West catching Bird Flu and hitchhiking to Amarillo. Unfortunately, West did not take any drums (or oxygen) with him, and died shortly thereafter, in 1994. Conspiracy theories suggest he was immediately replaced by Tinky-Winky from the Tellytubbies by caring aliens, concerned that the knowledge of the death of Mr. West would invoke World War IV.

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Later Career

In 2004, West was reincarnated as a bear and released his highly anticipated follow-up CD "The College Dropout", which, according to Mozart, is 20 percent more phat that the last one. people bought it n shit. One year later he released "Late Registration" which was co-produced by this sea eel called John Brian. His first single "Diamonds from some place in Asia or africa or something where they dig diamonds n shit", which "sampled" (See: Ripped-off) that Austin Powers song by that woman, went straigt to # -1. This was the first time any song had ever gone to # -1 and didn't make sense even, I think. Hell, this whole sentence didn't make sense, but whatever. Anyway he made another song which ripped off that other James Bond song n shit. it was called gold finger and was about this girl who had this gold finger and actually did very dirty stuff with it (uhm yeah.... it did involve his ass ,yuk.). It sounded like a hobo yawling and went something like: "now I ain't sayin she got a gold finger, but she ain't messin with no gold thumbs cos thumbs ain't fingers u dumbass. How many fingers u got? No u aint got 10, u got 8. 'N two thumbs. Fag brain.. anyway but yeah this girl probably does have gold fingers n shit n ohh... aahh .... uhh it does feel nice when she's twisting her gold finger inside my anus ,yuk.". The song went to #3.145678 and was all over the radio n shit. It featured this guy called Jamie Fox. Jamie Fox, contrary to popular belief, is not actually a singer, he's a fox. His middle name is "The". If u listen carefully to the begining of the song, slow it down by 99%, reverse it, play it backwards, send it to your local priest and then play it sideways, you'll hear a secret message that goes like "i'm a foxy guy.. wooooooo. I'm a fox, wooooooo, I'm going to haunt you n shit, wooooooooo". or some shit. Or maybe I dreamed it. I kinda forgot. Yeah, well and that's the story of how Kanye West saved Christmas. He also is known as one of the inventors of the Corn Dog. He and his fellow negro friend Ray Charles worked for 3 endless years on this invention and came to a conclusion that the hot dog, should in fact, be on the inside of the so called "corn bread" and that the stick should be placed on the bottom, not the top of the corn dog. Having discovered this, they became friends with benefits, also known as "butt buddies."


Kanye West was also responsible for destroying Barbra Streisand, after Godzilla's failure in Godzilla XXVIII: More Japanese People Screaming.

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Rise to Power

Having publicized his lifelong goal to be "more famous than Jesus", Kanye West joined forces with the Spice Girls in order to overthrow the renowned King of Pop, Michael Jackson. In a bloody revolution that lasted over 6,000 years, Kanye ascended the throne of Pop Music.

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Trivia

'fiddy cent often fills in while Kayne West comes up with new things George Bush doesn't care about.
  • Kanye West doesn't actually exist
  • He was created in Communist Russia as a propaganda tool
  • Kanye West saved Christmas by killing a duck, see above.
  • Kanye West attempted to block out the sun over Springfield and was later shot by Maggie Simpson
  • Kanye West's real name is actually Kayne.
  • He can't spell, see above.
  • He has a child: see Kanye Bush
  • Kanye West has a son called All Falls Down. He's 48 years old and lives with Jamie Foxx in his foxxhole.
  • This one time, at Band Camp. Kanye West did something and something happened. He also had sex with Jamie (The) Fox.
  • In 2003, he was listed in The Observer as one of the 50 funniest acts in British comedy.
  • Kanye West knows your mom!
  • Kanye West doesn't care about black people
  • Rumored to be the ilegitimate father of Ollie North.
  • Contrary to popular belief, Kanye West does care about white people people.
  • Kayne West does not want you to go ahead and get down girl, he was being sarcastic.
  • Kanye West is not actually made of polysterene, contrary to popular belief.
  • Kayne West doesn't care about Sean Combs, due to Combs's skin color
  • Kanye West was so popular with explorers and surveyors that they honored him by naming a direction after him. Kanye West is defined as being even more wester than West.
  • Kanye West was once imprisoned for arguing that Trinidad and Tobago were two seperate countries, and therefore should not be allowed into the upcoming world cup.
  • Kanye West is actually the direction between the K and the W on a compass.
  • Kanye west may be a relative of Wild West. However, he has staunchly denied this stating; "Kanye West doesn't care about Injuns."
  • Kanye looks like "Cane" to old people.
  • If Kanye West did not exist, then it would be necassary for some record producer to invent him.
  • Kanye West does not agree with what you say; however he will defend to the death your right to say it.
  • Jack Bauer eats Kanye West for breakfast and poops out Chuck Norris
  • Kayne West needs more cowbell.
  • Kanye West doesn't care about Kanye West.
  • Kanye West will be overthrown by Michael Jackson
  • He stole my cow. And my bike.
  • He isn't a gold digger.
  • On forums on the internet, he uses the ID, "BushDoesn'tCare009".
  • Kanye feel it in your fingers, Kanye feel it in your toes. Kanye West is all around me, He replaces your mother when she goes...
  • Kanye West was recently voted as the best author of the past 500 years, beating Charles Dickens and Thomas Hardy into second and third place respectively.
  • Kanye eats 12 apples a day, and is rumoured to be dating a fig.
  • Kanye West disproved the theories of Plato, Aristotle, Immanuel Kant and Bertrand Russell in one hour. He rewarded himself by listening to his album " Cheese and other anecdotes".
  • One time at Band Camp Kanye West inserted a musical instrument into his rectum. He has refused Doctor's advice for it to be removed.
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Quotes

Very offencive