Gay

1. "Only steers and queers come from Texas, and you don't look much like a steer to me! Do you suck dicks?."

~ Sgt Hartman on Pvt. Cowboy

"OMG, Richard Simmons is gay?!"

~ Oscar Wilde on Gay

"But you were gay first, Wilde!"

~ Richard Simmons on Oscar Wilde

"Never mind, let's menage-a-trois with J. Edgar Hoover!"

~ Oscar Wilde on Sex, Richard Simmons, and Hoover

"Yo' momma's gay"

~ the guy next door on your mom

"Fuck all gays"

~ a gay on other gays

Gay is a word in transition. It is in some cases a noun, an adjective, a verb, a color, a delicacy, and a woman in Larchmonth. As an epithet it is used to describe anyone who mocks homosexuals, and is usually used by those with test scores in the double digits.


Contents

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Gay Behaviour

Image:Rainbow.jpgGay behaviour is widely variable from area to area.

Another example, in the All-Too-Common Midwestern United States a gay is completely indistinguishable from a member of the non-gay popuation: they are members of 4H, they cultivate of agricultural products, they drive pick-up trucks with a bale of hay in the back, and they eat mashed potatoes and meatloaf. Gay people in the midwest do not shop at WalMart because they aren't as desperate as the rest of society for cheap goods made in Chinese sweatshops by poor little blind crippled orphans who are whipped by evil communist slavemasters named Ming and Chow.

However, the Common Western European Gay, Canadian Gay, and Greater Australian Gay often do not exhibit any outstanding behavioural patterns which differ from the rest of the population. Well, other than an obvious sexual attraction to the same sex. This last behavior is of course insignificant when discussing homosexuality.

Such differences in behaviour are now not considered inherent in specific individuals and populations; rather, they are regarded as a product of the proportion of population who still use the term "gay" as a derogative and offensive word. These are the same people who incorrectly believe that homosexuality only exists in individuals with very obvious behavioural traits -- behaviors termed camp, mincing, poofy, Mary, or flaming. (See Nelly, Military fairy, Poofter, and Pomp and circumstance).

It is also widely recorded that the majority of all humans will at some time, however briefly, enter a state of Alcohol-Induced Gayosity due to drunken de-repression of sexual urges, or become a Fair-Weather Gay as a result of sober experimentation, or perhaps a Common Teenage Questioning Gay, or a mixture of the three. In any case, most Gay Experimenters will claim that they were sucked into it, although it has been since discovered that there were indeed literally "sucked into it" and are waiting to have their first "anal induced orgasm".


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Facts

  • Many Christians believe that it's wrong to be gay, because there's no one in the Bible named "Steve".
  • Plus, some passages of the Bible have been interpreted as outlawing gayness, such as: "If a man takes a shower in prison, he shalt not bendeth over to pick up the soap" (Malachai 2:69).
  • According to a recent study by IBM, many friends of anonymous wikipedians appear to be gay. A personal study later conducted by Jimbo confirms this.
  • Gay people are these least likely to contribute to the problem of over-population in the world.
  • If there were no homosexuals, you'd be doing your mother's hair right now.
  • If there were no homosexuals, Brokeback Mountain would be about bestiality.
  • Wal-Mart is a safe zone for homophobes because no self respecting Queen would ever be caught dead in there.
  • Being gay can be the side affect of taking Happy Pills
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Am I gay?

Yes you are. 

Generally speaking, 
to ask the question, is to have the answer 
- Plato, Symposium. 5000BCE

If you still are uncertain, use the following check-list and count your score:

  • You like music. (1 p)
  • You like musicals. (10 p)
  • You like animals. (1 p)
  • You are a vegetarian. (5 p)
  • You like women. (-1 p)
  • You look into a womans eyes when you talk to her. (5p.)
  • You look at a womans breasts when you talk to her. (-1p.)
  • You go to the gym and work out (4p.)
  • You go to the gym to get worked-over in the steamroom (10p)
  • You like women's liberation. (10 p)
  • You know how to carve a turkey (-5p)
  • You let Andre carve the turkey because knives scare you. (6p.)
  • You see nothing wrong in loaning your turkey baster to the lesbian couple up the street. (10p.)
  • You go to their house and demand that the bitches return it because the baby is three months old and Thanksgiving is around the corner. (11p.)
  • You go to dances because you have to go to dances. (-6p.)
  • You live to dance and dance to live! Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham! (15p.)
  • You like women in womens clothing (10p.)
  • You like women's clothes. (20 p)
  • You wear women's clothes. (30 p)
  • You scratch your crotch. (-10 p)
  • You scratch your crotch when you see men. (+10 p)
  • Your name is Andrew (10 p)
  • You use a insecure linux distribution with penetrating wizards and talk euphorically in IRC about the pretty colours of the nice GUIs and crap your pans during that all and every time (+100 p)
  • You scratch your crotch when you see nude men. (+40 p, oh god you're gay)
  • You think this article is funny. (3 p)
  • You wrote this article. (50 p)
  • Bonus Point Factor 2 - You have George Michael in your phone list.

Result:

  • If the score is below 10, you would try it, but you're afraid you would like it
  • If your score is above 10, you are just bi-curious.
  • If you score more than 20, you are gay.
  • If you score more than 30, you are dating Elton John.
  • If you score more than 40, you are Elton John.
  • If you score more than 50, you're most certainly either straight or cheating.
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Am I a male lesbian?

Yes, as well as a cliché

You could be a male trapped in the body of a Lesbian and not even know it. Take the following test and compare your score to the results below.

  • I prefer the company of men to the company of women. (-1xy.)
  • I prefer the company of a good woman to any man anytime (5xx.)
  • Wearing a suit to a wedding seems reasonable to me. (-1>->...)
  • Wearing a flannel shirt with the arms ripped off seems like the right thing to wear to a wedding. (5t.)
  • I like to kick start my motocycles and I roll my own cigs. (1beer.)
  • I like to see a woman kick start her vibrator and role her own tampons. (4ew.)
  • Womens breasts are fun to play with. (2fun.)
  • Womens breast are a beautiful part of her body and I fortunate to have them for my pleasure (10gle.)
  • I would rather work on my car instead of going shopping. (2vroom.)
  • I would rather make out under my car with the woman who makes me wet. (9vroom!.)
  • Women should be made to walk around bare chested (5<3)
  • Women should be able to walk around bare chested because they haven't anything to be ashamed of. (10<3<3.)
  • The idea of penis doesn't make you hot. (-8===o.)
  • The idea of you using a vibrator on a woman makes you hard. (5hrd.)
  • The idea of two women carpet munching each other makes you very horny. (10yum.)
  • The idea of two women wearing platform shoes, who also have large artificial breasts and shaving each others pubic areas makes you very horny. (-10fak.)
  • Pussy=Cat (-5mew?.)
  • Pussy=Good eatin (10yay.)

BONUS ROUND!

  • Holly Near (+20pee.)
  • Holly Golightly (-50poo.)

Results

(0-5) You could get into feeling your inner woman, but what is the point?

(5-10) Your inhibitions are beginning to crack.

(11-20) You better do something before your woman lust washes over you.

(21+) There's a crack in your inner Dyke and if you don't stick your fingers in it soon you never be able to control your women lust.

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Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay

Gay to the Fifth, or UNIQ56ffca5a704e710-mathdf7060d66e128af00000001, is super gay. A super gay is to a regular gay, what Superman is to a regular man. Supergay may be used as either an adjective or a noun to describe someones spectacular level of gayness. Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay only fits in the adjective form, although it means the same thing as super gay. In 2005, the Vatican issued an edict that incoming semenarians had to prove they were at least Gay Gay Gay Gay, if not Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay. It was decided the whole pederasty problem stemed with UNIQ56ffca5a704e710-mathdf7060d66e128af00000002 not being able to relate man to man. The pederasts could only enforce their gayness on younger men. Although no explanation was given for the official policy change, unsourcable scholars are pretty sure this is the case.

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The following are gay:

[1]

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Temporary gayness

A.K.A. Gay gay gay, gay all day. Founded in 69, the Gay Commission is responsible for issuing Temporary Gay Orders such that necessary work or events that require things to be gay can go ahead. For example, in 1539, when at the time gay people could not even marry members of the opposite sex, when Henry VIII was refused a divorce from Catherine of Aragorn, he escaped the marriage by filing for a retrospective Temporary Gay Order for the week of his wedding, which rendered him officially gay and effectively nullifying the marriage.

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Currently gay

The following are subject to Temporary Gay Orders, and should be considered gay:

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Gay, but not for long

The following Temporary Gay Orders are due to expire at the end of February:

a Nazi flag officially used by Hitler on Berlin's love parades
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No longer gay

The following are no longer gay:

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See also

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External Links