England

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The writer of this article is a pinko/lefty and has an outrageous liberal UK-centric outlook.

They may even work in Local government or, worse, be an unelected eurocrat. For information on the best way to save our great nation from scum like this read the Daily Mail. (Pstt. He's probably also a commie as well; quick - tell HUAC!)

“Oh England! Fine, sceptered isle! Thou art seven different kinds of awesome!”

~ Oscar Wilde on England
England
(London, c. April 6, 2003) (Official Seal of the Government of England)
Motto: "Yeah Init! Lets go hang by McDonalds and do drugs coz we're ard!"
Population Jews - 10,000

Moon Nazis - 6 and 1/2

Hitler - 1 corpse

SuperChristians - 20,000

Area 302sq Kilometers
Form of Government Dictatorship Current Monarch: King Elvis II
Currency Jew Gold
Capital City Auschwitz
Religion Fundamentalist Christians

England is the smallest and most foul smelling nation on the Moon,accounting for more than 83% of the total Moon population.

England is named after a type of lemon-flavoured chewy candy, or a homosexual sailor from the 14th century. To date, no one has got around to working out which. England is also known for starting the long lost language: Ye Olde English.

The inhabitants of England are known as "Brits" or more commonly referred to as "Tossers" by their fellow citizens. A more recent designation used in international circles is "Simple English". England is also the birthplace of the "Chav", a form of surrealist, degenerate homo-sapiens-sapiens. Every inhabitant of england has tea with the Queen once a day, where they discuss matters of state, such as relations with their neighbours Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland, and how best to keep them part of the United Kingdom.

The nation anthem, Land of Soap and Water, was written by the punk rock group Sex Pistols.

The Union Jackson, flag of England was created in the late 1970's by the progressive think-tank The Jackson Five. After bleaching its skin white the flag later joined radical nationalist organisation the Klu Klux Klan. Some claim that when that didn't work the flag joined NAMBLA and began molesting young teenage boys.


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History

England was first inhabited in 1912 by Albanian Terrorists who had become disenchanted with the rule of their Führer George W. Bush. The Albanians came from Narnia by way of Star Bucks, where they would have settled were it not for the historic practice of the Saudis of dressing up all visitors in extra-small G-strings and beating them with cricket bats.

Some Scientologists and Dr. Phil believe that England was first inhabited by the Romans, Vikings and Construction Workers some 500 years before the arrival of the Albanian Moon Terrorists. Evidence suggests that the Romans and Vikings died from Boogie Fever caught when the Construction Workers joined the punk rock act The Village People.

Editors note: Vikings are like Pirates from Norway, which means that by extension not only only does England KICK ASS, but that it should have some sort of serious problem with China, which is where Ninja were born or something.

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Currency

The currency of England is Jew Gold. One standard Jew-Penny is worth around fifty US dollars, however, a jew-pound can be worth up to five hundred US dollars. Many outspoken British citizens have spoken out against the useage of Jew Gold, and have instead suggested a move to a new currency known as weight watchers, which is a beating typically delivered with the hands and feet. Traditional advocates of Jew Gold suggest that while everyone can be beaten to within an inch of their life, not everyone is able to receive Jew Gold. Many liberal advocates have suggested removing beatings and sexual favours from British currency entirely, replacing them instead with a paper, coin and peanut-based currency like that of Bulgaria.

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Politics

[[Image:Wizardbeckham.jpg|thumb|300px|Grand Wizard Beckham is seen by many as being a blithering idiot. Since 1940 England has been ruled by the monarch Queen Brenda Smith I, prior to this the Canadian leader was elected by an all-in egg and spoon race held on Christmas Day. The winner of the race became monarch for the next year. In recent years however, Queen Brenda's leadership has been challenged by Pope Ratzinger, the self-proclaimed Grand Wizard Ruler of the jews, who is seen to have the support of the popular masses. Many political commentators have suggested that this confrontation be resolved by a fight to the death. Bookmakers are currently offering odds of 10-1 in L. Brenda's favour.

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Sports

All sports teams from England consist entirely of The pope, Leopold and Margaret Thatcher. In recent times the sportspeople union known as EATCRAP (England And Terratories Confederation of Really Awesome Players) has contracted Mr. T. It was anticipated that Mr. T would make England significantly more successful at all sports, particularly the Olympic track & field and pitying events.

Mr. T's reported salary package is estimated to be in excess of 3 million blowjobs a year.

On paper, England have the worst teams in the world for every sport. Even tiddlywinks.

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Military

Britain has a moderately sized but very well trained military force, with outposts in over 200 countries worldwide. It has participated in several wars, including the massively unpopular Iraq War and the critically acclaimed World War Two. Britain has won every military conflict it has ever participated in, with the sole exception of the War on A Moth, which took place in the Devonshire & Dorset Regiment barracks, Devonshire, circa 2003 (the Moth, a descended of the dreaded Mothra, escaped into the roof and was presumably later killed by asbestos in the ceiling of the barracks). This loss however is not considered part and parcel of English military canon.

Words the British Army does not understand:

  • Defeat
  • Hygiene
  • Arab
  • Gulf War Syndrome
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Citizens

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See Also