Blood

“George Bush doesn't care about blood. ”

~ Oscar Wilde on Blood

Blood is a slightly salty but infinitely thirst-quenching beverage. It was invented by Nivek Ogre of the musical jazz trio Skinny Puppy. It tastes irony. It can be found in some people's urine.

Bathing in it can grant you eternal life (cf. Kool-Aid Man). According to some, so can drinking it (see Jesus Juice).

Blood is also used to dilute alcohol in the human body. The blood to alcohol ratio is usually less than 1%.

It was also believed that for a time Blood was actually Jam, causing the great Jam famine of '89.

Blood is regarded as the ink of choice for businessmen and politicians, usually in the Oil or Defense industries, to sign contracts with other businessmen and politicians.

In some cases, people with Blue Blood can be found, or different colors. It depends on the planet you're from.

Blood types

Actually, this is a lie. Blood cannot type because it is a liquid and simply runs down the cracks in any standard keyboard. This is why my keyboard is full of blood, there's a perfectly innocent explanation and it is definitely not a result of my recent internet chatroom killing spree, which of course never happened.

Types of blood

There are four main types of blood: Red, Yellow, Blue, and Green. These are further divided into the subgroups positive, negative, neutral, imaginary and compound. The rarest blood group is Blue negative because it gives the largest mana boost. Also noteworthy is the fact that people with Yellow negative blood can only receive blood transfusions from themselves between the hours of midnight and 2am, and do not love Raymond. Each of these blood types is determined by their Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Factor™ and can only be solved with the mystery decoder ring found within each box!

Interesting Facts

• While it is of course common knowledge that Canadians and Mummies do not bleed, very few are aware of the fact that they do actually contain blood in their bodies but simply lack the veins to carry it from the heart to the lungs.
• If your body runs out of blood you have a 50% chance of going into Super Saiyan mode where you gain a +2 modifier on all saves and you can only gain nutrition from your own urine.
• Blood was first discovered by TV's John Belushi after a run-in with the law.
• Animals are magnetic due to blood's 100% iron content.
• Blood is 'Doolb' spelt backwards.
• Blood dosn't come out of you ears. Go on, try and smash a hammer in your ear and see what happens.
• The blood of both Hungarians and Germans can be used as a substitute for Vaseline.

External Links

Blood is a delicacy in Whyalla, a small country town populated by midgets. The cannibalised midgets feast on the old people in Yeltana at 2:39 PM daily to suck the dust out of their veins

One of the most popular sources of blood is from Rhinoceros victims