1800

Contents 1 1800 2 1801 3 1804 4 1805 5 1808 5.1 Events 6 1809 6.1 Events 7 1811 8 1810 9 1812 10 1813 11 1814 12 1815 13 1816 14 1819 15 1821 16 1822 17 1823 18 1824 18.1 Notes 19 1826 20 1827 21 1828 22 1829 23 1832 24 1834 25 1838 26 1842 27 1843 28 1844 29 1846 30 1847 31 1848 32 1850 33 1851 34 1852 35 1853 36 1854 37 1855 38 1856 39 1857 40 1858 41 1859 42 1860 43 1861 44 1862 45 1863 46 1864 47 1865 48 1866 49 1867 50 1868 51 1870 52 1871 53 1873 54 1874 55 1876 56 1877 57 1878 58 1879 59 1880 60 1881 61 1882 62 1884 63 1885 64 1886 65 1887 66 1888 67 1889 68 1890 69 1891 70 1892 71 1893 72 1894 73 1895 74 1896 75 1897 76 1898 77 1899

1800

The last year of the 18th Century. This year was remarkable for the vast number of things that happened in it.

• Thomas Jefferson is elected US President. He celebrates with an all night drug orgy at Montecello, and is found dead on the toilet the next morning. In spite of being dead for the entirety of his term, he is considered one of the best US Presidents, for losing a war with some scraggy pirates, giving huge amounts of money to ruthless tyrants such as Napoleon and for sending Superman and his girlfriend off across the Mississippi in the Lois and Clarke Expedition.
• The French win the battles of Marengo and Hohenlinden. These were the days where if you called a Frenchman a 'cheese eating surrender monkey' he'd eat your face and burn down your family.
• King George III briefly considers going mad again, decides to postpone it.
• Rain of wildebeeste in Manitoba.
• Napoleon gets caught in his zipper. 'Dat's gotta hoit!' ~~ Oscar Wilde
• Rameses Thing, Great Khan of Turkey is assassinated by his own bodyguard, the Khanettes.
• New South Wales Governor Captain John Hunter invents the rotary lawnmower. This wonderous contraption remains unused until the invention of two-stroke fuel.
• In a surprise move, the Czar decides to continue opressing Russian peasants. 'What can I say? We were on a roll. We Czars can just keep on doing this, and we'll never get our comeuppance! No comeuppance!'
• Japanese artist Afake Namu invents hentai. Hailed as a hero by the people of Japan, he is immediately promoted to Emperor and given all the ink and paper he wanted.
• Pope John-Thomas VII dies, is succeeded by Pope Alison-Ashley IX. 'Mares eat Popes and does eat Popes and little lambs eat the Moderator of the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland' ~~ Oscar Wilde.
• Due to an administrative error in the British parliament, the Act of Union makes Ireland a part of Hungary.
• Oscar Wilde makes several pithy quotes, in spite of not being born yet. Physicists put this down to the time-aletring eggects of a running joke.
• And in Sweden, nothing bloody happened, as usual.
• Luis H. Aguilera coined the term imbecil-ized.
• Samuel Taylor Coleridge, poet and rap artist, gunned down by an Albatross gang in revenge for killing an albatross and writing a dumb poem about it.

1801

• The great You have two cows project was launched at the Vatican. While it began as a small, low budget enterprise it quickly grew into one of the most sucessful money makers in recent years.
• 1801 also signaled the invention of the Aeroplane by super intelligent Stoats that had escaped from Bedlam (a high security mental hospital).
• The leader of the stoats, Arthur Dent also went on to star in The Hitch Hikers Guide to Barking.

1804

• German commander Ludwig van Beethoven plants, what will later become the trees lining the streets of Paris, during World War I for troops to march through Paris in the shade. These trees would later shade German troops in furure wars against France including World War II, the Russian Revolution, and the Franco-Prussian War. The planting is later desbribed by Otto von Bismarck in De Bello Gallico eventually becoming that years bestseller.
• The Nobel Peace Prize is awarded to Napoleon Bonaparte.
• Flitterby College is founded by world famous aviator Darles.H.Charline. The following year, Flitterby takes to the skies and instantly crashes into Jusmiluck College, destroying it completely.
• The tv show Muppet Babies makes it debut. Noted for its use of cloning technology and a mutation to make the babies remain no older than two years old, the show recieved poor reviews mostly due to no one being able to understand what the babies were saying, and was eventually cancelled after several weeks.
• Gravity is invented by physicist Gwen Stefani.
• Apples started falling from trees pretty soon after the invention of gravity.
• May 29 - On the 13th Anniversary of Sodium Penthanol Day (SPD), Oscar Wilde discovers an Archimedes Text describing the day. He then writes the quote, "WTF happened to Sodium Penthanol day?!?," resulting in a world-wide celebration of SPD in which 2.7 million people inadvertainly killing themselves.
• July 11 - Former United States Secretary of the Treasury Alexander Hamilton is fatally injured after falling in a tug of war with longstanding political rival and Vice President Aaron Burr.

1805

• October 45 - United Islands of Europe's president Karlo Juhannus Stälber be assassinated. Abraham Lindström become his successor.

1808

Due an oversight by the International Keeper of Years, 1808 didn't happen until the very end of 1822. As a result everyone had to really rush to get things finished before 1823.

Events

• 06:00 - The Alarm Clock went off. Panjit Purdan Singh, a cobbler in Madras turned it off and everyone went back to sleep.
• 07:30 - Gretchen Scheiden, a housewife from Klutz, woke up feeling peckish. Realising the time, she woke up the rest of the world and put the kettle on.
• 09:00 - Due to hangovers, approximately 15,000 people skipped breakfast and just had black coffee.
• 11:03 - Beginning work on his fifth Symphony, Ludwig Van Beethoven sneezed violently and accidentally knocked over the ink. The resultant mess became the opening 'DA DA DA DUM' that school-children around the world know and love.
• 13:00 - Russia and Sweden declared a temporary ceasefire so that the Tsar could have lunch with the Czar, the Csar and the Tzar.
• 16:00 - England stopped for Tiffin.
• 17:28 - Miller Time in the Colonies.
• 23:59 - New Year's Celebrations around the world lasted about 50 seconds, with the remaining 10 seconds used up by everyone going '10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Happy New Year' and then singing Auld Lang Syne.

1809

Did you know that by adding 1 and 8, you get the same thing as 0 and 9? So this date really could have been 9018 or 8190 or even 0189! But it's not.

Events

• Sorry. We were so engrossed with the numerical possibilities, we never got around to researching this year. Or 9018...

1811

1810 and 1811 unexpectedly decided to switch places. No news yet on how 1812 is taking the move. However, there are talks of 2010 and 2011 following suit.

1810

• May 3 - Lord Byron swims the Hellespont, for which he is finally awarded his Silver swimming badge.
• May 5 - Mexico declares its independence.
• May 18 - FWAAC is outlawed.
• July 4 - Louisville, KY is named, formerlly known as West Lexington

1812

A year made famous primarily by the war in which Mexico, Canada, Britain, and Texas (collectively, the Atlantic Axis) invaded the United States and killed Thomas Jefferson at the Battle of Badon Hill. Fortunately the Axis powers were persuaded by the wily undertakings of the Ninja-Pirate Assembly of God to surrender unconditionally. Not one drop of blood was shed, except when Baal was summoned from Hell. Baal, being known for his prowess as a lawyer, was summoned to write up the papers which bewildered and amazed the unsuspecting invaders.

• The Great grease fire of 1812 occurred, destroying a record number of marijuana and cocaine crops (oh and I think a few people were killed too).
• British naval officer Captain William Bligh, commanding the Bounty 2 is killed with his crew while trying to acquire mañana fruit from Kiribati Island.
• The cult known as the Youth Culture claims responsibility for the death of the mascot of the popular music group They Might Be Giants during the Great Phallic Terrorist Attack of 1812 in Oprah's first attempt for world domination.
• Halo 2 was born, thanks to Karl Marx.
• The 1812 overture was Inspired, however plans for its comstruction would not begin until 1943.
• The Great Gay Migration of 1812 kicked off, and, consequently, the Gay Supercowboy Alliance is organized by Ponce de Leon and Wal Mart founder John Walton.
• Puzzle potato officially refound.
• The War of 1812 did not happen in this year.
• Airport's existence forgotten.

1813

• The robots of Sicilian city of Spring Yard Zone ratify the laws of thermodynamics to their constitution.
• Halo 2 kills Karl Marx
• The Goat Act of 1669 is passed by the Auxillary Bipolar Orchestral Canadian Parliament.

1814

Here are a few key events from this incredibly dull year:

• The war of 1812 finally ended, leaving thousands of recently unemployed soldiers having to find different jobs. They started a fast-food chain called "McDonalds", although several people wanted to call it "shit on a bun". However, they eventually decided that this gave away too much information about their secret ingredient.
• Michael Jordan gets AIDS from a hooker in Istanbul and becomes the first celebrity to die while screaming, "You dirty rotten bitch!".
• Thomas Edison finds a cure for cancer, but was killed by stampeding dinosaurs in the badlands of Soviet Russia.
• The nuclear war between Madagascar and Rhode Island flared up and 18 billion people were killed in over 200 missle strikes.
• The Internet was invented by Ross Perot.
• And, just to piss everyone off, the mongoose was invented by Oprah Winfrey.
• Due to post-boredom depression, Jesus's wife, Skippy, gave birth to George Bush senior.

1815

• Napoleon invented Dynamite,
• ABBA reached #1 in the UK Top 40 with their hit single Battle of Waterloo
• Clint Eastwood was locked up in Azkaban prison.
• Dr. Phil became a real person.

1816

• Volcano go boom. Everyone freeze to death. Thus, nothing happen for many moons.

1819

1819 was okay.

1821

Such a remarkably dull year that the International Keeper of Years is persuaded to skip ahead to 1823.

1822

There was no 1822.

1823

• Benjamin Franklin succeeds Thomas Jefferson as President of the Ununited Scrapes of Armania. Later that year, Jefferson is elected President of the United Spades of America.
• The Cheese Famine of 1823, attributed to evil pixies, devastates the world causing mass migrations from Wisconsin, Cornwall, and Brazil (from which Brazilian refugees would settle in Ireland eventually becoming the first inhabitants from which the modern day Irish would decend from.
• Sauron takes control over Blizzard of Warcraft 3.
• The ancient Swedish city of Skansen is found by a foreign exchange student.
• Modern day Geography is discovered when Ron Jeremy, on his way to a cock fight in Tijuana, Mexico takes a wrong turn at Albuquerque and ends up in New Mexico.
• Cornwall suffers the Cheese Famine of 1823.
• The Mexico City Jaguars defeat the Madrid Conquistadors.
• Alaska is bought from the Indians for 12 beads and a moose by This guy.
• The long mystery of the construction of metal Scissors is solved when when an anonymous time traveler appears and reveals how to build the modern scissors.
• The NBA franchise Utah Jazz is originally founded in Lincolnshire as the Wisbeach Fauntleroys hunting club.
• Ambrose Bierce, a writer and philosopher, is born.
• Future Major General Robert Paulson is born in Nome, Alaska.
• April 30 - David Ricardo, a noted economist, is born.

1824

• May 3 - The American Rhyming Act of 1824 was passed by Congress. 180 years later, Eminem attempts to rhyme "syringe" with "orange" in defiance.
• Legolas Elected Prime Minister of Atlantis
• Beethoven writes "Ode To Beans" choral symphony.
• Spork fossils found in Lower Bulgaria
• Lord Byron has the #1 Summer Jam with "Soak Up The Sun"

Notes

• Because of a slight miscalculation by the International Keeper of Years, the events from 1809-1822 were fit into the previous year prior to 1823.

1826

It is a well known fact that the year 1826 did not exist. Anyone who says it did is either lying or a robot. The only way to find out is to slap them quickly and repeatedly. If they are a robot they will kill you instantly. If they were simply lying, make sure to never talk to them again. Continue the slapping until you have determined which one they are.

1827

Year of the UPS guy. It holds the distinction of happening exactly 100 years before the greatest year in the history of mankind and, therefore, rightfully sucked balls.

• January 13 - Anonymous the First begins her reign as Pharoah of the United States.
• March 26 - Beethoven died after choking on a parsnip which he was attempting to swallow whole.

1828

In the year 1828, nothing of interest occurred. Whatsoever.

Contrary to popular belief, however, this is not because the year was particularly boring.

• Rather, due to a little-known stipulation in the calendar reorganization by Pope Gregory XCVZII2, the year 1828 never actually took place. As a result of cleverly-placed subconscious suggestions in the widely popular Milton Babbitt's Guide to the New Testament, the citizenship of the world simply skipped the year altogether. No mention of this is made anywhere in reputable history books, because the population at large was completely oblivious to its manipulation.

• Oscar Wilde has been suspiciously absent for commentary on the matter, and it is believed that he is being held at a secret underground bunker in the vicinity of Tucson by the notorious Hutt gangster Osama Bin Cuddles.

1829

• April 17 - James Last, covert government assassin and easy listning conductor, is born.
• May 23 - A marshmellow factory accident creates humor.
• Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/May 29 - Doctor What, the lord of all spelling and estranged brother of Doctor Who, wonders why people in the 18th century were unable to spell 'Sodium Pentothal' and then completely frogets..fargets...fergets...errr..hwo to splel himselth. During a large riot at the 40th No Anniversary Day parade, 28 people are injured and 12 seriously killed as a statue built in honour of the parade spontaneously combusts.
• June 6 - Legendary Go player Hon'inbō Tartrate is born.

1832

• British author Emeldormechale Twerpwookum's novel Ah, what thou I eat today ! is published. The book it most noted for introducing the term Chipset, along with various other suggestions, to British peasants for possible alternatives to sources of food which they had no hope of ever eating.
• The modern day joystick is invented by Jesus H. Christ.
• The candy company Avatar is established.
• Wolverine, future X-Man and all around badass, is born John Howler somewhere in Canada.
• Spoon and fork club is founded by future Uncyclopedian and escaped mental patient Marcos Malo
• June 29 - The Cock is adopted as the national emblem of Portugal.

1834

Initially the year scheduled for 1777, though it was forgotten about.

• January 15 - I Think I've Stood In Something Day, was founded.
• Henry Ford puts the first flying car in production.
• John A. Macdonald founds SUNY Plattsburgh after a drinking binge.
• August 31 - The Almond Brothers break up.
• September 4 - Vlad Drakul cancels newspaper subscription.
• September 31 - The first Amish supercomputer, the iBox, was put into production. It had no buttons.
• November 9th, Walla Walla, Washington was founded.

1838

The county seat of Fellatio, Indiana was incorporated with Oralton County, Indiana.

1842

• June - A flock of seagulls lands in Limburg.
• August - Eloran starlighter is born in Norway.
• October - Cristopher Columbus discovers Cucumberland.

1843

• March 7 - Bret Easton Ellis is born.

1844

• Turkey adopts a new flag targetted at the younger voting populace.

1846

• Yellow paints, which had prevously been sold with every single picture required to be a night scene, becomes out of fashion for some reason.

• May 11 - The Dinner Party departs from Independence, Missouri.
• May 13 - The Mexican-American War begins as The United Spades of Amerika declares war on Mexico due to a shortage of taco sauce.
• June 16 - Pius IX is elected pope on the strength of his fetching rendition of the Macarena. Through similar means he later secures successive terms in office and becomes the longest-reigning pope since the days of St. Peter's last miracle.
• July 4 - President Grover Cleveland, while attending a 4th of July gala on the whitehouse lawn, is accidentally struck by a stray spark which ignites his wig. Fortunately for the country, Millard Fillmore, the vice president happened to be sitting next to him while chewing on a large bowl of escargo horse dubies. Needless to say, the country was spared by a troop of hapless escargot snails who later joined the whig party.

1847

• The majestic Galactic Garlic Overlords of Chappaquiddick IX invaded Earth and conquered the puny humans, whick they rename Jerques, a Chappaquiddickian word for "small naked rodents", which they thought the jerques were evolved from.
• Thankfully, the Chappaquiddickian Overlords were overtaken through the miracle of steam power, since they are allergic to water. Water doesn't kill them. Just a mild, itchy rash. But, really, what Galactic overlord wants that?

1848

• The Great London Rising of 1848 occurs when the Cockneys of London, urged on by the Toffs invaded the surrounding counties and regions of England in search of slave labour and living space.
• Following the end of the Mexican-American War, the United States government approves the annexation of the Disneyland Five Nations Confederation territories.
• Much of the land of the Disneyland Confederation is appropriated and transferred to the Gracey family after the end of the Mexican-American War. It would later be used in 1890 to build the Gracey Estate, which later became familiarly known as the Haunted Mansion. Mickey Mouse the Great would later lead a protest occupying the house in 1952.
• The University of Mississippi is founded.
• September 3 - As an Acne epidemic sweeps through Japan, Tartrate Shusaku tends the patients within the Hon'inbō house until, falling ill himself, dies.

1850

• Steven Tyler is elected Prime Minister of Haiti which he holds until 1935.
• The Irish Potatoe Famine reaches its height in the time known as the Year of the Laminated Dolphin.
• Louis Pasteur discovers sideburns in his Paris laboratory.
• John Wilkes Booth is born.
• Chinese poet Chairman Mao is born.

1851

• Modern philosophers rediscover the ancient mystery that 1851 is actually 1581 backwards and not the other way around as previously thought.
• The Liverpool goat messengers replaced with the Royal Mail allowing the city to communicate outside the area for the first time.
• Music is reportedly invented by Sir William Thomson later publishing his therories in the essay On the dynamical theory of beat.
• Lee Kwan Yew is born.
• May 24 - Oscar Wilde guest stars on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
• June 5 - The jug band Warrant releases the popular anti-slavery song "Uncle Tom's Cabin".
• June 16 - Nothing happens.

1852

• May 15 - The deposed King of Wisconsin relinquishes his royal cheese crown over to the Rebel Cow Leader Jizabell, after the successful revolution overthrows his kingdom.
• June 15 - The human clitoris is discovered.

1853

• Decade, formerly known as a fruit drink, becomes a slang term used to describe drinking contests.
• Edwin Aloyicious Eathelred Thou-Shallt-Not-Take-the-Lord's-Name-in-Vain Bertram Trenchard, 7th Viscount Trenchard is born.

1854

• May 28 - After discovering a method to identify belly button lint, Louis Pasteur is murdered by the heirs of Marco Polo who wish to keep the Marco Polo Monopoly on Belly Button Lint.
• October 12 - The much covered up Second Coming of Christ. On a hunch the Pope was present. Tragically testing to prove if it was really Christ was similar to the tests conducted in Salem for witches. In the end Jesus was nailed to a cross and then burned. The Pope belived that if Jesus survived, then he was really Jesus. I guess he didn't know that Jesus's one weakness was crosses. In the end Jesus died, the Pope quit, and Scooby Doo ended the episode with some witty statement like "Scooooby Doooooby Doooooooooo!"
• November 12-Beginning of the Great Humour Prohibition Act of America.

1855

• Plastic is developed by the Venusians. This will later be used by the Trojans during the Trojan War.
• May 28 - Angry followers of Louis Pasteur march to Italy seeking for revenge for Pasteur's murder the previous year, ravage the city, raving mad.
• July 22 - An brief cease-fire is called in the Crimean War until Lord Raglan gets his sobbing under control.

1856

• November 17 - The Spider Men establishes the southern Martian colony of Fort Buchanan along the Sonoita River in order to help control new land acquired in the Your ass.
• Gwen Stefani (formerly Glen Stefani) has penis re-attached, claiming it is a large clitoris.

1857

• The Ku Klux Klan, a hit Canadian pop band, releases its first no. 1 single I Can't Remember How Many Cows I Have.
• Swedish alchemist and pyromaniac Pierre Curie completes his experiments on Phlogiston soon begining a crime spree causing fires across Europe.

1858

• Harriet Tubman invents the subway calling it the "Underground Railroad". Subways would later be noticed by the rest of the world upon the discovery of the London subway system by Charles Darwin in 1860.

1859

• Evolutionist Charles Darwin borrows Orson Welles's time machine and travels to futuristic London in the year of 1860 where subways are first discovered.
• April 25 - Construction on the Suez Canal begins. Soon after Israelis and Egyptians immediately begin fighting over who owns the hole.

1860

• Charles Darwin, time traveling from 1859, appears in futuristic London where he first observes the London subway system.
• The Tokugawa period in Japan ends, immediatly following its breakup of new boyfriend Fred Tokugawa, after 230 years and begins seeing Emperor Meiji.
• Bean makes its debut performance in the Austrian capital of Vienna.
• John Kerry marries Julia Thorne. Thorne soon becomes severly depressed during the marriage eventually committing suicide in 1872.
• Han Solo is freed from carbonite for the second time, and goes onto invent the delayed toaster, which can also be used in that great pasttime Kitten Huffing
• The Mount Vernon Ladies' Association of the Union builds a theme park in Virginia known as George Washington's Mount Vernon.

1861

• Outer space is discovered by Thaddeus Constantine Soblieski Lowe while on a reconnaissance mission over Virginia during the Battle of Bull Run. While drifting in space, Lowe becomes the first man to explore the moon, claiming it for the Freemasons.
• Oscar Wilde, based on his memoirs as an English sailor, publishes Crushing by autofellatio.
• Abraham Lincoln dies.
• The popular Reality TV show Leave it to Beaver begins airing.
• The Cadbury Brothers George and Richard take control of their father’s business. They begin to manufacture chocolate in what would later become the city of Bournville.
• Cheese becomes a fashionable filling of the Cheese sandwich
• Rodeo star Buffalo Bob tames the Fork. Howdy Doody is nowhere to be found. Doody is presumably being built by Anakin Skywalker.
• James Bond stars in Thunderwall.
• Gordon makes his acting debut on Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends.
• Mark Twain enlists in the 1860s version of the National Guard to avoid being drafted during the Civil War.
• Marcus "W" Aurilleuis Discovered the planet Rigel 7 and explores it, but he unfortunatly also discovers it's technologically advanced inhabitants which grant him eternal life and award him the place as their god, replacing The Flying Spaghetti Monster. Marcus later tries to create a galactic Republic by taking over Rigel 6, then Rigel 5, then well the rest of the Rigels(for some reason there is no Rigel 57 and seven fifths). Marcus eventually becomes the Grand Chancellor of the Galactic republic. Despite Marcus and the jedi's best attempts, Oprah, the dark lord of the Sith, seizes control of the republic and enstates a galactic empire which collapses after 5 minutes. Marcus now lives a secluded life in the great underground catacombs in pittsfield Mass.
• The inhabitants of Verna create the deathstar in an attempt to stop Marcus "W" Aurilleuis from the creation of his republic. The Vernians fail due to C3P0's expert TIE fighter piloting skills. C3P0 fires a crouton torpedo to its creamy center thus making the operaters of the deathstar eat the space station because they just realized the deathstar is one big chocolate truffle.

1862

• See 1862.

1863

1863: A lost year in history, a very amusing year nonetheless.

• January 31 - One man was actually beaten to death with a ping pong ball while another was jumping of his roof because he thought he was a bird. It was an exciting year especially in the small town of Wellington upon Smythe where they had 2 village fetes instead of 1.
• The name 1863 was invented by the Spanish in 1862 and is thought to mean year after 1862 but the translation was lost in the course of time and so was the name of the actual inventor. Archaeologists thought they had found 1863 but where disappointed to have only found the fountain of youth and the birthplace of Jesus. There is a great mystery still surrounding 1863 and its current whereabouts. Some people believe that it is in an underground chasm under a house in Michigan.
• Brian Welch, a pimp, is discovered by the band Pr0n.

1864

• International rules and conduct for the British sport of Bloodbath are formed by the Geneva Convention eventually leading to a massive rise in popularity for the game in the coming years.
• Area man regrets wasting 1863.
• Civil war soldier prefers re-enactment.
• Benedict Arnold Carver is born.
• April 22 - All US minted coins convert to christianity.
• June 22 - Apostate Jews found state of Liberty, and it keeps that name until June 22, 1867.
• December 25 - The United States of Armenia is officially established. Hours later Jesusland follows suit.

1865

• See 1865.

1866

• The KKK is founded by Jewish and Black leaders following the end of the American Civil War.
• May 2 - Jerome K Jerome is born.
• May 16 - Root beer is invented by Monica Lewinski.

1867

• May 3 - The Hudson's Bay Company gives up its claims to Vancouver Island on the grounds that it is full of Canadians.
• June 22 - State of "Liberty" changes name to Avoda Zara, as it sounded nicer and more feminine. Detractors note that the new name really means idolatry.

1868

• The Charles Kennedy distillery company opens distilleries in Gladstone and Scotland quickly replacing rivals London and Westminister as the drinking scene in Great Britain.
• Tchaikovsky is extremely pissed off.
• Tchaikovsky channels his anger into what we now know as being the origin of the Revolutiontendo.

1870

• Uncyclopedia Brown biography Uncyclopedia Brown Loves Chachi is banned, particularly in South Korea.
• Brotherhood of Anonymous writes famous nursery rhyme, Mary had a little lamb .
• Ludvig van Wolfgang Amadeus Johann Sebastian Heimlich, developer of the Heimlich maneuver, is born.
• US President Benjamin Harrison is thrown out of office.
• 1337, one of the earliest known unlisted numbers, is developed by telephone inventor Antonio Meucci in an attempt to prevent telemarketers to stop calling him while trying to eat his supper.
• July 26 - The typewriter is invented with only the keys Ctrl, Alt, and Delete.
• Sept 3 - The Japanese unconditionally surrender to the Ninja-Pirate Assembly of God to end World War OSX Jaguar
• France declares war on Prussia. Louis Napoleon III boasts that "France is going to be victorious, as she always has been and always will!"
• The Prussians take Paris two hours after the speech.

1871

• Germany founded. Kaiser Wilhelm I is declared head of state of the new Empire in Versailles. "I am sure Germany now has the chance to contribute to international peace and security as she always has wanted to", states the new Kaiser, adding: "Versailles will always be symbolic for the glory of Germany!"

1873

• The X-box came to colonize Greenland.
• Bionicle, a method of planting microchips into small toys, is created by two unidentified men. It would later be used on a mass scale by the LEGO corporation.
• Windows first manufactured from LSD. They failed to keep the weather out, or the dragons. But who cared?
• Japanese Emperor To be continued creates the first Japanese video game company Zero Wing.
• July 20 - A peasant in a poor country licked a window and saw an image of the Virgin Mary. He then started eBay to sell it on the Interweb.

1874

• January 31 - You there with the mop is born.
• July 20 - Peasants in various poor countries begin to see an image of the Virgin Mary in a window after being licked on Window Licking Day. This would continue on into the present day.
• August 20 - Benjamin Harrison is born.
• November 20 - John Cleese is born.

1876

• The Partick Thistle Football Club, one of Scotland's oldest soccer teams, is estalished by ex-soccer hooligans, tired of brutally attacking fans, randomly begin attacking Glasgow's poor people with a traditional Scottish Thistle. Realizing they could attack opposing soccer teams as well they officially enter the league in 1906.
• Protestiing to the British copyright of Cloud Mentioning, American weathermen form the American Cloud Mentioners' Union.
• James Clerk Maxwell successfully proves the impossibility of the electrified toothbrush which was seen to be completly incompatible with the laws of quantum electromagnetohydrodynamics.
• The Banana Phone, one of the first modern inventions of modern technology following the development of the stapler, is invented by Alexander Graham Bell. Its similarity to the telephone, invented by Meucci in 1870, will spark years of useless litigation.
• J.K. Rowling's novel The Great Escape is published.
• The Combustion engine is invented by Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. Its development is met with great enthusiasm by scientists despite the fact the wooden engine repetedly caught fire, causing its gas tanks to explode, resulting in several deaths over the next 20 years.
• Falling out of a wormhole, Snoop Dogg discovers that there are other uses for hemp. Closely following was Albert Einstein, who was using hemp in the traditional fashion.

1877

• Thomas Edison and his young ward Henry Ford landed their Mars-drome spacecraft in the verdant hills outside of The Fabled Martian City of Z'la.
• Edison's peaceful contact with the High Martians was not indictative of future human-Martian relations though, as Professor Moriarty and Fu Manchu followed the Edison/Ford Expedition some 3 years later and conquered the City of Z'la, until liberated by Tarzan and Phileas Fogg in 1902.

1878

• Alfred Russel Wallace discovers the first fishing sugarplums.

1879

• Lust is invented in Berlin by Mr. Bertold J. Lust.
• John Kerry marries Teresa Heinz.
• Feces is born in Frosty Hill, PA (York County),
• Leon Trotsky is born in Odessa.
• October - McSchwartzenheimer Zamenhof creates the language known as Esperanto after suffering a heroin overdose. He later claims an angel appeared before him and commanded him to develop a language unifying the world. However it is suspected he made have made up this claim to pick up chicks.
• December - Joseph Stalin is born in Stalingrad.

1880

• May - The Earth destroys the Sun.
• October - To the bafflement of the Sun Destruction Committee, the Sun spontaneously regenerates using nuclear fission and dental floss. This brings to an end the little-known and little-noticed Victorian Ice Age.

1881

• Väinö Tanner born.
• The speechmark is invented by Winston Churchill, in the attempt to identify quotations better.

1882

1882 is an even number between 1881 and 1883. It is also the number of joints smoked annually by teenage girls.

• John Kimbel organizes Great Britain's modern police force.
• Microsoft is founded by Benny Hill and Margaret Thatcher.

1884

One of those years when nothing much happened. Quick, think of something that happened in 1884! You couldn't, could you? I didn't think so. Grover Cleveland would be pissed.

However, the following sections may give you a little background information on the culture and styles of the time:

Most Popular Song of 1884

'Livin' La Vida No Loca' by Roy Falsetto

Most Popular Book of 1884

'1984 (the year, not the book)' by George Orwell

Most Popular Dramatist of 1884

Winer, womener, songer, and popular man about town Oscar Wilde

1885

1885 is a year.

• June - Soccer becomes banned on the Moon.

1886

• January 30 - Karl Benz discovers gasoline huffing.
• May 1 - Mayday turns sour when the public turns out en masse for free hayrides, but there are not enough wagons to go around. Rioting ensues.
• May 8 - Fecal E.Coli is makes its market debut in Newark, New Jersey.
• June 2 - President Grover Cleveland marries Francis Scott Key in a civil ceremony in the White House basement.
• October 28 - President Grover Cleveland spurns France's gift of the Statue of Liberty, stating simply "She needs a makeover."

1887

• The Purpose of life is discovered by Napoleon III after slow dancing with a Plymouth woman.
• Squirrles dominate the world after Squirrle Jesus gets a 43 bajillion - 0 kill ratio on FPS.
• The Squirrles decide they don't want the world anymore, and hand over the deed to earth to the Jews.
• Jews are found to be evil, sadistic, twisted people by Cartman. The deed to earth is stolen by the last remaining Jesusaurus Rex in the confusion.
• Money was discovered (again). Turns out it was behind the sofa the whole time... go figure.

1888

1888 is the year everybody had forgotten about. It is known also for the day, despite it being a year, Karl Marx defeated the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers during a Super bowl half time show.super bowl -XXI

• Tradition Glues and Adhesive Tapes is founded
• Although repealed in 2001, Murphy's seventh law of thermodynamics was posted in this year. Its text read "Left to themselves, thermodynamics tend to go from bad to worse."
• The German holiday, Start your own Reich day, originated in this year.
• The first pig flew in this year, near the outskirts of Otakusaka, Japan. Because of this, billions everywhere gain unlikely jobs, wives, and have sex for the first time.
• Yakuza is proclaimed the national Timbuktu food.
• Beatrice Herzegovina was born.
• Jesus came back for a brief period; some suppose it was to watch Karl Marx defeat the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers.
• Ho Chi Minh is born in medieval Saigon.
• The Barton Mansion is erected on Barton Road in Redlands, California.
• The term White People was consructed.

1889

• Hadolf Itler, the mirror universe version of Adolph Hitler, is born.
• J.R.R.R.R. Tolkein, who wrote under the pen name Dungeon Siege, is born.
• Jerome K Jerome's novel Three Men and a Goat is published.
• Ludwig Wittgenstein is born.
• Friedrich Nietzsche goes insane, projects mind into infant Ludwig Wittgenstein.
• September 13 - The centenary of Secondary Bastille Day is marred when the organising committee grudgingly admits they don't know where the Secondary Bastille is, and are not even sure if there ever was a Secondary Bastille.
• November 15 - A military coup overthrows Brazilian Emperor Pedro El Pedro II of Brazil. The newly formed government would eventually lead Brazil into the War Of Canudos.
• Philip Seymour Hoffman is born too.

1890

"Wait. 1890...No, can't remember anything. I must have been drunk the whole year."

~Karl Marx on the year 1890

• Santa Claus, with old College friends Albert Einstein and Dr. Johnny Fever, announce the world's first successful prototype cyborg, Arnold Schwarzenegger.
• Jordan The fued between rival clothing designers Percy T. Jordan and Tommy Hilfiger continues however, Jordan's Jeans continue to remain popular throughout the decade.
• William Gracey, Jr. builds a large mansion over the ancient burial grounds of the Nuolora. In the following decades, there would be a series of untimely deaths within the Gracey family mansion in the early 1900s, and the Gracey Estate would eventually become known as the Haunted Mansion.
• Martin Heidegger celebrates his first birthday.
• The Yukon becomes famous for a brief time during the Yukon Golden Grahams Rush.
• April 28 - The Baby Boom begins.

1891

• Ludvig van Wolfgang Amadeus Johann Sebastian Heimlich, future inventor of the Heimlich maneuver, enters medical school after witnessing an accident involving friend and Scrabble partner Baron Manfred von Richthofen who, after flying too close to the sun, had crashed into a vat of gobstoppers which had become lodged in his windpipe.
• Ragpaste is invented by a French scientist named Edgar. He is subsequently exectuted for his crime.
• Jerome K Jerome publishes a series of books including his novel The Diary of a Prostitiute, his collection Told After Breakfast, and his short stories The 'aunted 'os and The Old Utopia.
• June 13 - A horse walks into a bar for first time.
• July 8 - A black guy takes Finis Jennings Dake to work on International "Take a Scientologist to Work!" Day.

1892

• The earliest known use of the word spade is used by Malcolm X.
• Kimberly Keller invents Limbo, the game as an alternative to working in coal mines.
• March - In one of the rare victories in French Military History, the Orkney Islands are captured by the French.

1893

• May 5 - New York Stock Exchange crashes, has its driving privileges suspended for a year.
• June 20 - Canada sells 336 million bushels of wheat to the Soviet Union. I am not making this up.
• The US Supreme Court rules in favor of the United States Government in Red Fruit vs. State, 149 U.S. 304 defending the Tariff Act of 1883. The Supreme Court orders The Tomatoes to pay the 10% tax on vegetables ignoring the fact that The Tomatoes are actually fruit.
• Jerome K Jerome's novel Ovel - Otes and short story The Lancing Partner are published.
• John Cleese passes the entrance exam, on his third attempt, successfully enrolling in the Royal Military Academy at Sandhurst.
• U2 is discovered in a Dublin tavern drunkenly singing dirty Oscar Wilde limericks and claiming it as their own.
• David Letterman is born.
• Andy Warhol is born.
• The first ever World Autofellatio Championship is held in Dublin, Ireland.
• 'Obnoxious Plastic' replaces the gold standard for 6 months, several Synthitar owners become milionaires over night.

1894

• Oscar Wilde is forced to stab an actor to death while the enraged actor seached the front row for the source of the lone audience member chanting "You fat bastard".
• The Slim Shady Algorithm is successfully derived by Clown Enema University professor, and the Ukraine's foremost algorithmic genius, George H. W. Bush.
• The Media is created by Joseph Pulitzer who, after publishing a research essay about human cloning, agrees to a bet with a college that the public would believe anything no matter what he wrote and during the next century he would create the Cold War and other sensationalist stories.
• Rumors of steroid use among the world's top tennis players leads to enactment of a manditory drug testing policy in the PTA Tour.
• Queen Victoria becomes the first person to cross the Atlantic Ocean completed the voyage in 209 days. This record would be held until 1964.
• Andrew Lloyd Webber is accidentally ennobled by Queen Victoria after tripping over a poor person and curses profanity.
• Jerome K Jerome's Lord of the Rings: And Other Stories is published.
• U2 releases its single Girl.
• George Galloway is born.
• Boris Spassky is born.
• September 23 - The long awaited Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes begins as Tomatoes begin a mass revolt against farmers.
• Geisenheim gets cityrights

1895

A really bad year for Oscar Wilde, who was tossed into Reading Gaol for playing Hide the Weenie with Lord Alfred Douglas' buttcheeks.

• The Crisis on infinite Earths occurs, however no one seems to notice.
• A mania for "Kill the Guy With The Ball" games swept the English-speaking world, resulting in the development of Rugby in England, Football in the United States, and Kill the Bastard With the Ball! in Australia.
• Clint Eastwood attempts to jump the Shonash Ravine, only to fall to his death by the hands of Billbo Baggins.
• Alexander Graham Bell invents the busy signal; later in the year he invents the Graham Cracker.
• Alfred Nobel, inventor of the Swedish Fish, writes his Last Will and Testicle.

1896

• Grand Pope Tarkin becomes Pope.
• Director Fritz Lang's Der Sieben Samurai, later remade as Seven Samurai, is released.
• Amalgamated Poxololeum is founded.
• Zeus plays a practical joke on Greece convincing them to hold the first Olympics.
• Chevy Trailblazer looses to a local florist in his first political campaign.
• Sarah Orne Jewett's "The Country of Pointed Firs" is published in which the term copycat is first used.
• No literature was found concerning people wearing double-breasted suits.

1897

• Sulfuric acid, also known as Suwphuwic Aphid, is discovered lying around the office by scientists.
• Before he can reveal the mystery of the Olympics, Zeus is killed in the Hampster Breakout of 1897.
• The Writer's Block Act of 1897 is passed by the US Senate
• The last of the Russian Mongol-Totorians, in a war with the the rival wild tribes of Moscow since 1893, are killed.
• Japanese Emperor Nintendo, who had ruled the country since 1304, dies suddenly. He is succeeded by Emperor Mitsubishi.
• Grover Cleveland declares the Midwest to officially be a region, for which he is rightfully assassinated.
• January 3 - Sir Edward McShortstuff is born.
• February 8 - Sauli Niinistö is born.
• May 19 - Oscar Wilde writes the famous quote "No longer is there such a thing as an imprisoned Oscar Wilde."
• Octember 33 - Dana Scully, founder and president of the Microsith (later merged with Microsoft), is born.
• July 15 - Jesus and his team The Disciples win the World Cup for the tenth time.
• November 18 - The Battle of Much Twinkies is fought in World War VII.

1898

• Jerome K Jerome's novel Second Thoughts of Fellows is published.
• Nigendum, later known as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, is created as a mascot for the pop band the KKK.
• The DMCA replaces the AMCA after it becomes obsolete.
• King U assumes the throne of the Alphebetian Empire where he rules until 2005.
• June 13 - A chicken "crosses the road" for the first time, but the event goes unnoticed by the media except for the news truck that ran it over.
• There is a funny dirty little war in Cuba, which was sparked by a farmer peeing in an outhouse. Someone whines about the smell, and then someone complains that Muhammad was insulted by the act of peeing in an outhouse, and soon all heck breaks loose.

1899

• See: 1899

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